You're not fighting. That's sort of the problem.
A day-and-a-half couples intensive for partners who have been together a long time, aren't in crisis, and would like to find their way back to each other.
Book a fit callThere's a version of a marriage that looks fine from the outside and feels like very little from the inside. Nobody is shouting. The logistics work. You are kind to each other in the way you'd be kind to a colleague you've known for twenty years.
And somewhere in there, the two of you stopped being the point.
It didn't happen at a moment. It happened across a decade of reasonable decisions — the job, the kids, the aging parents, the hundred small evenings where it was easier not to say the thing. Distance like that doesn't repair itself, because nothing is wrong enough to force it.
That's what this is for.
Does this sound familiar?
- You talk every day. Almost all of it is admin.
- You can't remember the last conversation that wasn't about the house, the kids, or the calendar.
- You've both stopped bringing certain things up. Not because they were resolved — because it wasn't worth it.
- Something changed recently — a job, a diagnosis, a birthday, the last child leaving — and it made the quiet visible.
- You keep a private list of small things. You know that isn't good. You have it anyway.
- Physical closeness has quietly faded and neither of you has mentioned it in a long time.
- One of you has thought, in a low moment, is this it? — and then got on with the day.
- You don't want to leave. You want it to feel like something again, and you don't know how to start that conversation after this long.
Why an intensive, for you specifically
Nothing is urgent, which is exactly why nothing changes
Weekly therapy needs a fire to keep the appointment. A slow drift generates no fire, so most couples in your position plan to do something about it for years and never do. Booked dates are a decision you make once.
You have the capacity to go deeper than most
No newborn, no crisis, full nights of sleep. You can do the real work — which means this format goes further with you than with almost anyone else.
The distance is made of specific things, and they can be found
Drift feels vague and isn't. It's made of particular moments where one of you reached and the other missed it, repeated a few thousand times. There's enough time here to find the pattern underneath and watch it happen in the room.
A long history is an asset here
You have twenty years of evidence about who you each are and what you've been protecting. Couples who have been together a long time often move faster in this work, not slower, because there's no mystery about the material — only about what's underneath it.
What you'll leave with
An understanding of how two people who love each other ended up this far apart, without either of them doing anything wrong. A name for the pattern, so you can interrupt it. A plan for what each of you needs to feel like yourself again, and what you'll each protect for the other. And a way of talking that isn't logistics — twenty minutes a week and one dinner a month, with a structure so it doesn't quietly revert to admin by March.
How it works
Before — about three weeks
A detailed assessment you each complete on your own. Then a 90-minute individual session each, before the two of you are ever in the room together. By the time you arrive, nobody is spending the first evening getting me up to speed.
The intensive — an evening and a full day
Three blocks of about three hours each.
- Evening. Where your patterns came from, and the cycle the two of you make together — drawn out and named.
- Next morning. Each of you does your own work while the other watches. This is often the block that changes things.
- That afternoon. The two of you as a team, and the plan you'll leave with.
After — six months
A workbook with two standing appointments: twenty minutes weekly, one dinner monthly. A follow-up session four to six weeks out, booked before you leave. And a three-month checkpoint you run yourselves.
Why a day and a half instead of a weekly hour
Weekly couples therapy works, and for many couples it's the right thing. But the hour has a structural problem. Most of it goes to catching up on the week. Something real surfaces at minute forty and has to be shut down, because there isn't time to tend what you'd open. Whatever you built on Tuesday meets a bad night on Thursday. And couples are on their best behaviour for fifty minutes — the pattern that actually runs your relationship shows up in hour six, when nobody is performing any more.
A longer format removes all four problems. Work that can't start in fifteen minutes can start after dinner and still be standing the next morning. The second block begins where the first ended. One of you can have forty-five minutes of individual work with the other watching. And nothing else is happening that day.
Being straight about the evidence: couple therapy has a strong research base, and emotionally focused therapy in particular has decades of trials behind it. Whether an intensive format outperforms weekly sessions has not been settled by head-to-head research, and I won't claim it has. What I will say is that this format solves specific problems the weekly format has — and if weekly work is the better fit for you, I'll tell you that on the call.
When this isn't the right thing
An intensive isn't the right next step if there is violence in the relationship, if either of you is afraid of the other, or if one of you couldn't be honest in a joint session without paying for it afterwards. It isn't right if there's an untreated addiction, if either of you is in acute crisis, or if one of you has privately decided to leave and is here to soften the landing.
None of that means nothing can be done — it means something else needs to happen first. Part of what you're paying for is the judgement to say so. If the assessment shows this isn't right, I'll tell you what I recommend instead and refund you according to the schedule in our agreement.
Common questions
Do we have to be in crisis?
No. The couples who get the most from this usually aren't.
What if only one of us really wants to do it?
More common than you'd think. Say it on the call rather than hiding it — sometimes we proceed with the difference named out loud, and sometimes something shorter is a better first step.
Will we be with other couples?
No. It's the two of you and me, the whole time.
What if we fall apart in the middle?
That's roughly the point. Falling apart with someone whose job is to help you put it back is different from falling apart in your kitchen at midnight.
Is it covered by insurance?
No. The intensive is private pay only, and I don't provide a superbill for it. If using insurance matters to you, weekly couples sessions are the better route and we can talk about that on the call.
What does it cost?
$2,200. That covers the written assessment, a 90-minute individual session for each of you, all three blocks, the workbook, and the follow-up session afterward.
Where do we have to be?
The intensive is in person in Mt. Juliet, just east of Nashville. I'm licensed in Tennessee, South Carolina and Florida.
What happens next
- A free consultation call. I'll tell you honestly whether this is the right next step.
- If it's a fit, you book your dates and I send the assessment.
- Your individual sessions, one each.
- The evening, then the full day.
- The follow-up, booked before you leave.
Or get in touch with a sentence about what's going on.
The intensive is held in person in Mt. Juliet, just east of Nashville. I'm licensed in Tennessee, South Carolina and Florida. $2,200· private pay only.